Growth isn’t just about doing more — it’s about becoming someone who can hold more.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been learning what it really means to increase my own capacity — and why that work is essential if we want our growth to be sustainable, not overwhelming.
From Dreaming to Doing
The last few weeks have been a massive learning curve for me — a chance to step back and rebuild my capacity. As One Step at a Time is introduced to the world (10 February), I’ve realised I’ve finally reached the moment I’ve been dreaming of for the past year.
My goals are reaching fruition.
It’s an incredible feeling to arrive here… and it’s also brought me face-to-face with something new: I’m entering unfamiliar territory. The path in front of me is clear and well mapped — I know where I’m going — but I’ve never walked this trail before.
It’s the same feeling I had when I started Te Araroa.
I knew we were heading to Bluff. I knew the key milestones and the big challenges that would mark the journey. But I didn’t know what every step would feel like. I didn’t know how the vegetation would smell, how the ground would feel underfoot, or what would be waiting around the next corner.
For me, One Step at a Time is the beginning of something much bigger than just a book.
It’s bigger than me.
And as excited as I am… I’m also terrified.
When Growth Outpaces the Nervous System
That mix of excitement and fear sent my nervous system into a tailspin. And it took me a while to really understand just how unequipped I was to manage that instability swirling inside me.
Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever truly learned to self-regulate in a healthy way.
My default response has usually been to push through. And when that doesn’t work, I turn to food, scrolling on my phone, or procrastination. Worse — sometimes I’ve even quit and convinced myself that the thing I wanted “wasn’t meant for me.”
Becoming a parent changed a lot of things for me. Over the last few years, I’ve been immersed in the world of emotional regulation — teaching my son that emotions are okay, and that how we respond to them is a skill we can learn.
And somewhere along the way, I realised…
I didn’t have many tools in my own toolbox.
That awareness had been simmering quietly for a year. And then, recently, it boiled over.
What It Really Means to Increase Your Capacity
I found myself constantly on edge. Unable to fully relax. When I finally slowed down enough to look at what was really happening, I saw the truth:
I was stepping into a bigger version of my life… without the inner capacity to hold it.
And that’s when the words of Alex Hormozi and Mel Robbins came back to me.
Alex says that if you’re unsure how to move forward with your goals, the best thing you can do is increase your capacity.
Mel talks about how even when nothing seems to be happening in our lives, we still need to prepare — because when the opportunity comes, we’d better be ready to receive it.
That hit me deeply.
I didn’t just need to push harder.
I needed to expand.
How I Started Rebuilding Mine
So I hit pause.
I slowed everything down to the bare minimum.
My social media came to a screeching halt.
My need to constantly push and produce softened.
Instead, I made rebuilding my nervous system my top priority.
That led to a lot of trial and error. And eventually, something simple shifted everything:
lying on the floor with my legs up the wall.
It sounds small — but something in my body immediately relaxed. I could feel my nervous system start to settle. I didn’t need food. I didn’t need my phone. I didn’t need to avoid what I was meant to be doing.
For the first time, I had a tool that actually worked for me.
It didn’t fix everything overnight. I still had habits to unlearn. I still had moments where regulation felt hard. But I was building capacity.
I was becoming someone who could hold what was coming next.
Your Capacity Shapes Your Future
Along the way, I realised something:
We are a lot like technology.
Old devices can’t do what new ones can — not because they’re broken, but because they don’t have the capacity. Updates allow them to hold more, process more, and do things that once seemed impossible.
We’re the same.
If we want more from life — more depth, more impact, more authenticity — we have to strengthen our inner systems.
We don’t upgrade with RAM or storage, but we do upgrade through things like:
• Quality sleep
• Nourishing food
• Moving our bodies
• Supportive relationships
• Intentional learning
• Emotional regulation skills
Like a plant growing roots before it produces leaves, we have to build our foundation before we reach our next version.
For me, that meant learning how to self-regulate.
For you, it might look different.
Your Invitation
Take a quiet moment today and ask yourself:
Where in my life could I increase my capacity?
What would feel lighter if I were more resourced, supported, and grounded?
Growth isn’t just about what you do.
It’s about who you’re becoming.
Even small shifts make a meaningful difference.
One step at a time — we move forward.
