Stop living your life according to other people’s expectations.
As 2025 draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the lessons this year has given me. If I had to choose just one to take with me into the new year, it would be this: the path to living authentically — and reaching your full potential — is impossible unless you stop shrinking to fit other people’s expectations.
Growth cannot happen if you stay within the confines of your box. It cannot happen if you choose to remain small.
This is a lesson the universe has been trying to teach me for years, but it took until now for me to truly hear it.
Shrinking on Te Araroa
Even when I walked Te Araroa in 2010, I was living small. On the outside, my life seemed daring — 3,000 km across New Zealand, a feat that tested my endurance, willpower, and spirit. But internally, I was still shrinking.
I tried to make others comfortable with my choices. I softened my confidence. I spoke smaller.
I remember the looks on people’s faces when I told them my plan: disbelief, confusion, sometimes mild disgust. “Why would you do that?” they asked.
I shrank to meet them halfway. I brushed off the magnitude of my journey, redirecting conversations back to them. Back to their comfort. In doing so, I allowed their doubts to take ownership on my sense of self.
Writing My Memoir: Hiding Behind Comfort
After finishing Te Araroa, I rushed through writing my memoir. Another project many around me either didn’t understand or had no reference point to relate to. I was tired of being the anomaly. I was tired of the spotlight. I told myself I needed to settle into a “normal life.”
I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be relatable.
I wanted to be extraordinary without stepping outside the norm.
But as I worked to fit back into the world I had left behind, I squeezed myself into a life that wasn’t mine. I avoided discomfort by aligning myself with those who surrounded me. I liked what they liked. I said what they said. I worked where they worked. I lived where they lived.
Through it all, there were glimpses of my authentic life waiting for me. The projects at work. The need to create something that wasn’t there before. The drive for entrepreneurial pursuits. The dreams of something bigger than myself. But I wasn’t ready to fully step into it. Not for a long time.
A Lifetime of Shrinking
Fifteen years have passed since Te Araroa. Since then I have moved house multiple times, made and lost friends, started and ended relationships, birthed my son, launched and closed ventures. I navigated New Zealand immigration and eventually got my citizenship. All along, I hovered at the edge of my potential. Deep down, I knew I wanted more. I knew I was meant to go beyond what I had always done.
But worthiness was a question I hadn’t answered. Did I deserve the life I dreamed of? Could I fully claim it for myself?
Then, one day in 2025, I knew: enough was enough.
The truth hit me like a punch in the gut — I had been living small my entire life. Not because I lacked courage, but because I had let the opinions of others dictate my limits.
That day, I made a choice. I would no longer shrink. I would stop living in the shadows of the life I was meant to lead.
Stepping Into Myself
As I stepped forward into everything I have always known myself to be, I quickly rediscovered my love of writing. It has always been a core of who I am and the way I best express my ideas to the world. But in claiming my identity as a writer and author, I knew I needed to revisit my memoir.
The words I had written 15 years earlier were raw, imperfect, and did not fully reflect the experience of the trail now that I had time to stand back from it and see it for what it was. Editing it forced me to relive each step along Te Araroa — every climb, every stretch of road, every moment of self-doubt.
It was healing. It reminded me who I am at my core. Te Araroa was a turning point in my life that took fifteen years to fully acknowledge.
And in writing the second edition of the book, I finally began living the life I had been destined for.
Why We Shrink
We shrink for many reasons:
- Fear of judgment.
- Desire to be accepted.
- Comfort in the familiar.
- Avoiding the discomfort of being different.
We all do it, in small ways or big ways. At work, in relationships, in our choices, and in how loudly we speak our truths. And yet, every time we shrink, we give up a piece of ourselves.
We rob the world of our unique perspective. We rob ourselves of the life we were meant to lead.
Stop Shrinking: Step Into Growth
For anyone living a life smaller than they were meant to, I challenge you to step forward. Growth doesn’t come from comfort or conformity. It comes from leaning into discomfort, embracing authenticity, and refusing to shrink to meet others’ expectations.
Here are some ways to begin:
- Reflect on where you’ve been shrinking. Notice the areas of your life where you play small — what projects, conversations, or ambitions are you minimising to make others comfortable?
- Take one authentic action this week. Speak up, start that project, set boundaries, or pursue a goal that excites you, even if it feels scary.
- Honour your values over others’ expectations. Make decisions that align with who you truly are. When your energy and values are aligned, authenticity thrives.
Growth Requires Space
A seed left on its own never grows. It can’t sprout without light, water, and space to expand. Don’t wait for growth to magically happen. Don’t wait for someone else to give you permission to grow.
Growth requires action, courage, and the willingness to be uncomfortable.
Stretch yourself. Push past the fear. Take the leap. Stand tall.
Your Life Is Waiting
The world needs you to stretch, to rise, and to shine. Step into your own authenticity. The moment you stop shrinking, you give yourself permission to live the life that was always meant to be yours.
Your journey may be uneven. There may be days that feel mundane, and others that feel impossible. But every step, every misstep, every tiny act of courage, is part of the unfolding of your authentic life.
The life you want — the one that excites you, scares you, and challenges you — is waiting. All it asks is that you stop living small.
💡 What’s one area of your life where you’ve been shrinking to meet others’ expectations? What is one step you can take this week to stretch into your authentic self?
If you’re ready to take bold steps and explore more lessons from my journey walking Te Araroa, grab a copy of my memoir, One Step at a Time.
